The Book of Throat Chop: Entry #21

Facebook, you have some nerve being a social network trying to … well, make me be social.

Don’t think I haven’t noticed this bullshit —> “You should reconnect with”, “Write on their wall…” or “Help Him Find Friends”. Wtf? By the way, “Help Him Find Friends” sounds like some feed the children type plea, “with just one friend suggestion per day they’ll be on their way to being popular on Facebook.” With that “write on their wall”, you have people looking real thirsty for interaction. That’s not a very good look.

Facebook, I know you’re struggling to keep yourself relevant, considering you’re like the third cousin of MySpace (and that spot is pretty much dead) so your social fate is inevitable. But why are you all up in my contacts like that? I mean, seriously Facebook, who do you think you are? Huh? Answer me!

Facebook, you want to help? You want to stay fresh? Fix the feeds, bring the birthday notifications back to the top and stay out of my damn business! Oh and dead those bullshit games too. At least get them out of my feeds! Real talk [LOL].

But if you really want to ride this “suggestions” thing out, here are a few you can add to really help people out:

• This is a dumb facebook group, tell them to end it.
• Defriend this sucka because they’ve been real douchebag like lately.
• Someone tagged you in a pointless note again. You aren’t even in it. You should say something, No seriously, SAY SOMETHING!
• Seriously, are they STILL playing FarmVille? Geez!

Or Facebook, you could add some of the following buttons:

• Fck Yo Couch
• Fck Yo FarmVille
• Fck Yo Facebook Group
• End this Dumbshit

Thanks and good luck in your attempts at relevancy.

Peace,
Uncle Throat Chop

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